Christmas thoughts

Today is the first of December and the first Sunday of Advent so I thought it would be a good time to write down a few thoughts about Christmas. I love Christmas (why would I be writing a blog about it if I didn't?) but I don't like everything that we've made Christmas to be about or involve.

The other day I saw some photos of Christmas markets in Europe and it reminded me of the Christmas I spent over there and the Christmas markets I went to. I really enjoyed the ones I went to and part of me wishes we had them here but it wouldn't be the same. Walking around a Christmas market in daylight at 8pm in t-shirt, shorts and jandals, and eating an ice cream just isn't the same as walking around a Christmas market in the dark at 4pm with coat, hat, scarf, gloves and boots, and sipping mulled wine.

I loved having a white Christmas that year. There was something special about it, like that was how Christmas should be. But that's not right. We have been indoctrinated by books and movies and advertising into thinking that Christmas is always supposed to be cold, dark and snowy. Santa is almost always wearing a big fluffy suit that would cause heat stroke here and there are so many snowflake and snowman decorations around. I'm not saying we should get rid of all of this or that schools should only sing Christmas on the beach and not Frosty the Snowman, it's just something to think about. 

One thing I think we do need to do something about is the culture of consumerism around Christmas. Watching a news item about black Friday in America (massive pre-Christmas sales, ridiculous crowds, violence - you get the picture) almost had me in tears over completely society seems to have lost the plot. How can people become so aggressive and possessive over material goods that they will fight whoever gets in their way when the thing they want is on sale? Imagine what would happen if all the money people spend on presents for each other, decorations and fancy food this Christmas was spent on things in the Tearfund (www.giftforlife.co.nz), World Vision (www.worldvision.org.nz) or Oxfam (www.oxfamunwrapped.org.nz) gift catalogues, support for typhoon victims, or support for any local or international charity.

The first Christmas was very different. The lead up involved a journey on a donkey while heavily pregnant with a husband who wasn't the baby's father to be counted in the census and a stay in a stable. Christmas involved giving birth away from home and family with only a husband and animals for company. It was no ordinary birth and no ordinary baby - it was the least of births and the greatest of babies. The visitors were not family and friends but a pile of shepherds they didn't know followed by a visit by three wise men to a poor and scandalous family. 

 

It doesn't matter what Christmas traditions you follow - winter or summer, it's the reason for the traditions that is important. We are remembering the birth of Jesus. Do your Christmas traditions reflect that? Do mine? What does a Christmas where every part of it is about remembering and celebrating Jesus birth and all that that meant look like?

Penal Reform

He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners (Luke 4:18)

I've always had a slight problem with these words. My strong sense of justice has an issue with the idea of Jesus unlocking all the prison cells and letting convicted criminals wander free. But that's not really what this verse is saying.

This week the Anglican church in New Zealand is focusing on penal reform (you may have heard about the Bishop's week-long incarceration on the steps of the Cathedral). Last night as I read this verse in the booklet produced to guide Bible study and prayer on the topic it suddenly struck me that I had been interpreting these words incorrectly all my life. Part of God's mission in the world may involve releasing people from prison; there are plenty of innocent people in prison and plenty of guilty people who would benefit from some other kind of sentence. I think this verse is primarily about setting people free from sin. God wants all people to be set free from a life of slavery to sin and who needs that more than people whose sin has hurt themselves and others so much that our justice system says they must spend time in prison?

It's not just convicted criminals who need to be set free from sin. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). The Bible even describes sin offerings for unintentional sins (see Leviticus 4). God doesn't say "you murderers and rapists, you're doomed, but you small time liars and cheats, you're ok, you can still come to heaven, you'll just get one-star accommodation not five." I am a sinner too, it's just that the sins I have committed have not been declared worthy of a prison sentence by society. Remembering this alters the way I think about prisoners and our justice system. Remembering that we are sinners too gives us greater compassion for prisoners and greater motivation to see people set free from sin and our penal system working to improve lives not just lock people up.

Sure we don't have a habit of torturing people or locking up political opponents but our justice system could still be better. The Ministry of Justice is already working towards increasing and expanding restorative justice services and has introduced a court in Auckland that is specifically for people with drug and alcohol addictions and focuses on treating their dependency. There is still more to be done. We need to better address the causes of crime, better cater for and involve victims and communities, utilise community-based alternatives to prison more, better look after the families of prisoners, and continue to improve rehabilitation and reintegration services.

I'm not saying we should do away with prisons altogether or that punishment shouldn't be one of the aims of our justice system. The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished (Numbers 14:18). There are people who need to be punished for the wrong they have done by being sent to prison and there are people who need to be separated from the rest of society to prevent further harm being done. But locking them up isn't the only, or necessarily the best option for many people.

What can we do? There is plenty we can do. We can start by educating ourselves more on the topic and the situation in New Zealand at the moment. We can get involved in groups that visit prisons, groups that work with prisoners' children, groups that think about and promote penal reform, groups that focus on rehabilitation or reintegration of prisoners. The most important thing we can all do is love our neighbours. Loving people, and all that that entails, can go a long way to addressing causes of crime; supporting criminals, their families and their victims; and help ensure successful restoration, rehabilitation and reintegration.

For more information check out:
http://justspeak.org.nz/
http://www.rethinking.org.nz/
http://www.justice.net.nz/
http://www.pfnz.org.nz/

Knitting Gallery

I love knitting. I love to sit down in the evenings in front of the tv and knit. If I could I would always have something on the go but wool costs money and I already have quite a stash of things I've knitted that I don't know what to do with. Here are some things I have knitted lately. You're welcome to put in an order for one of these or something similar or give me a challenge (contributions towards the cost of wool or contributions of wool are always appreciated). If you'd like the pattern for anything let me know and I can dig it up for you.

White baby beanie and booties

Blue baby beanie

Multi-coloured baby beanie

Beanie (adult and child sizes)

Baby poncho

Headband with ribbon

Headband without ribbon

Green circle scarf

Sparkly scarf

Multi-coloured scarf

Blue scarf

Slippers

The P Word

GCSB, spying, privacy - a favourite topic amongst journalists at the moment. Here are some of my thoughts on privacy (privacy in general, not just in relation to the government spying on us through the GCSB.

Where did this idea of privacy come from? To me it seems that privacy, at least in the sense that that word is usually used these days, is a 21st century invention. What happened to the days when people knew their neighbours and everyone knew everything about everyone else in their community? How did we get from there to such an individualistic world where anyone can see a picture of what you had for lunch but your neighbours don't know your name and nobody knows you are suffering from PTSD after that earthquake or plane crash you were in?

It seems rather hypocritical to be sharing so much with social media and at the same time fiercely defending the right to privacy. You have a right to privacy. You exercise it by not sharing certain things with social media. If you don't want people to know you have a boyfriend yet, don't post pictures of the two of you on facebook. You can choose how much you share and who you share it with. If people readily shared more than just superficial stuff on social media would the p word be mumbled about so much whenever there's a hint of something deeper on social media? And if you do start sharing less superficial stuff you'll be less likely to be hidden or de-friended by people who get annoyed by your 20 meaningless facebook posts a day.

I know people argue that they don't want the government to know much about them but again, you choose how much you put in public spaces and unless you've done something the police could charge you for why do you care if the government sees stuff? Then the argument continues to say that they don't want the government to use stuff against them. A very valid point if this were China or somewhere in the Middle East. If our government did start using peoples' facebook posts against them we might have bigger things to worry about - like how to get rid of such a government and all the other bad things a government that has no problem with using social media against people might be inclined to do to its people.

ps. this doesn't mean I've shifted to the right and support the GCSB Bill. I'm against the Bill, partly because there are still many unanswered questions, partly because the government has refused to listen to the multitude of criticism, partly because I don't like National, partly because it's reactionary legislating rather than properly thought out and investigated legislating, and partly because it's unclear which other governments information will be shared with and what they will do with it.

What do you do

"What do you do?" That question was annoying and awkward to answer when I was unemployed, especially when I wanted to answer it without saying the word 'unemployed'. Since I've been working my attitude to being asked that question has changed. I'm sure there are some jobs that would be conversation stoppers. If I said I was a rubbish truck driver I'm sure the conversation would either stop there or quickly change topics. Saying I work at the Waitangi Tribunal has led to several lengthy conversations about the Tribunal, the Treaty and the settlements process. It helps that a lot of our friends and their friends and family that we've spent time with lately are public servants and know quite a bit about the Tribunal and settlements process and have similar views on the subject.

For those who don't know much about the Tribunal and settlements process here's a quick overview. When the British arrived in New Zealand Maori had already been living here for a long time. In 1840 the British signed the Treaty of Waitangi with Maori. The Treaty has been breached in many ways since. A lot of Maori land was taken by the Crown in a variety of ways, there were a number of wars, Maori culture was suppressed. Basically Maori were forced to give up their traditional ways of living in favour of British ways. Over the last 30 odd years the government has been trying to provide some redress. The Waitangi Tribunal investigates claims brought by Maori about things the Government has done that have harmed them. Maori can then (or instead) negotiate with the Government for what financial, cultural and property redress will be part of a settlement package.

I have yet to have a conversation with someone who has a different opinion about Treaty settlements to me but I know there are plenty of people out there with such opinions. A lot of white New Zealanders don't like that the Government is giving money and land to Maori and doing things like changing the official names of mountains and rivers to their Maori names or promoting the Maori language. At the same time there are some Maori who think the settlements don't go far enough.

I know the Treaty settlements process is not perfect; no human-designed system attempting to bring about justice is. But at least we are trying. We are acknowledging that things that have happened in the past, and things that are still happening today, shouldn't have happened. Stopping the settlements process or changing it when some iwi have settled and others haven't would be even more unjust.

To those white New Zealanders who don't like the settlements process I would say you should take some time to learn about our history and all the injustices that have been perpetrated against Maori. If you say it wasn't me, it's not my generation that is to blame, I would say two things - how are you suffering from the Government settling with Maori? and Jesus paid the price not for his own sins but for those of others.

To those Maori who say the settlements process doesn't give enough to Maori I would encourage you to acknowledge that the Government is trying to put things right and it is unrealistic to expect them to give back the full value of what was taken from you. Most importantly I would encourage you to try to forgive.

Never underestimate the importance of humility, forgiveness and grace in every situation and relationship, from government-level bi-cultural relations to relationships between friends and family.

Racial Discrimination

A large part of my work is reading claims people have made to the Waitangi Tribunal (claims by Maori about things the Crown has done that have harmed them in some way). There aren't really any rules about what a claim should look like so a claim could be anything from a half-page hand-written letter to a couple hundred page document produced by a lawyer.

Some claims are full of grammatical and spelling errors and some try to claim things that the Tribunal can't look into. One day last week as I read through a few such claims I found myself feeling frustrated and judgmental - who were these silly people trying to say this or making these errors. God pretty quickly told me off and reminded me that I have no idea who these people are or what their background is.

They may not know or fully understand the scope of the Tribunal's jurisdiction. Some of the spelling and grammatical errors may be simple typos. I know I made plenty of typos when writing essays and didn't always go back and spot them before handing them in. Some of the errors may be because they were never taught or have forgotten particular rules of grammar and spelling.

I can spot the things people try to claim that are outside the Tribunal's jurisdiction because I went to law school and have worked at the Tribunal for the last seven months. I can spot spelling and grammatical mistakes because I have had 20 years of education and have always been good at spelling and enjoyed learning rules of grammar (and had many opportunities to do so by studying languages). A lot of people, especially Maori, have very different backgrounds to me.

We've all heard the stories about how Maori children don't do as well at school as pakeha. I'm sure there are differing opinions as to the reasons why and what can be done about it. There is no denying that our education system is based on European models of education and that different cultures, even different people within the same culture learn differently. There are many claims to the Tribunal about education and the way the Crown has failed Maori through various educational practices and policies.

A discussion at lifegroup last week about the assumption held by many that Maori lived in peace before Pakeha arrived got me thinking more about the issue of education. I would like to see New Zealand history taught more in schools in social studies. Sure racism in New Zealand isn't as bad as it is in other countries but it is still there. How can we expect to do anything about it if we don't start teaching the next generation about our history? Schools need to teach children about how both Maori and Pakeha did things they shouldn't have and how they both did good things and worked together. Maybe we could cut out some of the WWI and WWII stuff and other less relevant topics from the curriculum to make room for our own history. Why does every social studies class need to watch Escape from Sobibor and Dances with Wolves? An added bonus of teaching less WWI and WWII could be a decrease in the idolisation of ANZAC day (that could be a whole other blog post and I won't get into it now).

Another thing that was frustrating me was the lack of understanding about the Tribunal and the impression I was getting from some claims that people think the Tribunal is like other courts, or, to be more accurate, what pop-culture tells us courts are like. Again this is something I can really only spot because of my legal background and experience at the Tribunal.

The Tribunal's jurisdiction and the way it operates are things that the majority of New Zealanders don't know much about, not just Maori claimants. The people who bring claims to the Tribunal probably know more about the Tribunal than most other New Zealanders. They know that they can bring a claim and generally know what they can claim about. They know that the Tribunal conducts hearings wherever the claimants are. Often they know about other claims to the Tribunal by other members of their hapu or iwi or about the same issue or piece of land. I'm frequently impressed by how much Maori tend to know about their whanau, hapu and iwi history and whakapapa (family connections). I wish I knew more about my family history.

Yesterday was the day in the New Zealand Anglican calendar when we celebrate the three branches of the Anglican church - Pakeha, Maori and Pacifica. Our sermon was about forgiveness and reconciliation - particularly relevant to my work and what I have been thinking about lately. In order for there to be true reconciliation between Maori and Pakeha there has to be understanding - an understanding of our shared history and an understanding of the work being done by the Waitangi Tribunal and the Treaty Settlements process to uncover the truth about our history and atone for past wrongs. True reconciliation between people also involves everyone involved understanding and accepting the forgiveness of Jesus. We can only forgive because He first forgave us. We can only fully love each other when we know the love God has for each of us.

Lines and Squares

Whenever I walk in a London street,
I’m ever so careful to watch my feet;
And I keep in the squares,
And the masses of bears,
Who wait at the corners all ready to eat
The sillies who tread on the lines of the street
Go back to their lairs,
And I say to them, “Bears,
Just look how I’m walking in all the squares!”

And the little bears growl to each other, “He’s mine,
As soon as he’s silly and steps on a line.”
And some of the bigger bears try to pretend
That they came round the corner to look for a friend;
And they try to pretend that nobody cares
Whether you walk on the lines or squares.
But only the sillies believe their talk;
It’s ever so portant how you walk.
And it’s ever so jolly to call out, “Bears,
Just watch me walking in all the squares!”
            A.A. Milne 


This has always been one of my favourite A.A. Milne poems. Probably because it appeals to my OCD side. There is order, structure, logic in lines and in squares. The title can also describe how I think and write and a blog is all about thinking and writing and trying to write what you think. Obviously I write in lines but I also tend to think in lines. I also often think in shapes. Different things, people, events, ideas etc will take the form of different shapes in my mind. I don't know if I described that very well but if your mind works the same way you'll understand and if your mind works a different way you might never get it no matter how well I explain it.

Anyway, this was just a bit of background behind my choice of blog name.

Waiting

This week marks four months that I've been sick.

It started one weekend in the middle of January. On Saturday I felt fine, didn't do heaps, just normal Saturday stuff like housework and baking. On Sunday I came home from church feeling really tired and spent the rest of the afternoon in bed. While I don't usually nap for even a short time during the day I thought maybe my tiredness was a result of beginning full time work a couple months earlier, having quite a bit on during the week and weekends during that couple months and not having much of a break over Christmas to recover from it all. I felt pretty awful at work the next day and spent the rest of the week home in bed. Lots of rest got me over that first week of tiredness enough to go back to work but then I developed a mysterious cough.

Four months on and the cough is still there along with fatigue. Fortunately the fatigue isn't as bad as it was at the start although it's still enough to stop me doing much in the evenings and weekends. Several visits to the doctor and a variety of tests (including four blood tests!) have provided no answers.

When I went to the doctor last week she decided to refer me to a respiratory specialist. Yesterday a letter arrived saying the hospital had received my referral and classified me as 'Routine'. Sure, a chronic cough and fatigue that prohibits having a social life and sometimes stops me from going to work is routine and ordinary. 'Routine' means a five month wait for an appointment. If it's going to be that long is it even worth having a list, is it worth me being on it? Five more months to see a specialist makes the four months I've already been sick for seem short. If I was rich and had health insurance or could afford to go private I could probably see the same specialist next week.

Part of me wants to get better but part of me wants to stay sick for at least another five months so I can find out what's wrong. Of course there's always the possibility the specialist won't be able to work out what's wrong or will put it down to stress or something else abstract with no physical cause or treatment. A small part of me wants to get worse so I can get bumped up the waiting list but the much bigger part that hates feeling yuck silences that part pretty quickly whenever it emerges. I'm not even thinking about what will come after a diagnosis, I just want to know (so I can stop making myself feel worse by consulting Dr Google).

So, sorry to those who have had to/will have to put up with me coughing a lot and sorry to those I would like to be spending more time with but can't right now. To those of you who don't get freaked out by blood and needles please consider becoming a doctor and to those of you who are doctors please consider becoming a specialist in something. It just doesn't seem right that in a 'developed' and 'rich' country we can have hospital waiting lists this long and longer. I'm sure there are people out there sicker than I am that are facing just as long or longer waits to see doctors.

ps. I am open to taking bets as to the cause of this cough and fatigue, the time it'll take for me to get an appointment, whether the specialist will come up with a diagnosis, how much longer I'll be sick...

Grand Community Living Designs

What comes to mind when you hear the phrase 'community living'? For most people, myself included, the image that phrase conjures up centers on a group of people, generally with green/hippy leanings, living together in a flat. Living with other people was fine, sometimes even fantastic, while I was a student but now that I'm married I don't think I could live in the same house as anyone other than immediate family again. Last night I watched a tv programme that showed me a different image of community living, one that I liked and could live in quite happily one day.

The show was Grand Designs (in case you didn't pick it from the title of this entry). Every week they follow someone building a grand (large, fancy, or just rather unique) house. This week, however, it was not just one house, but 10 houses in a row that were being built.

Ten families who were all in need of a house for a variety of reasons decided to join together. With the help of what I think is the British equivalent of Housing NZ who bought the land, paid for the build and provided some expert assistance, these 10 families built their own, and each others, houses. As part of the deal each family had to put in 30hours a week on the project and apart from a very small amount of expert help, they had to build all the houses themselves in return for reduced rent once the houses were finished. The houses were reasonably small and simple because they were designed to be built by people with no building experience but they turned out great and have been home for these families for over a decade now.

Because they were all so involved in the building process all the adults and kids got to know each other well and once finished they got to live next door to people who had become close friends. The kids have all grown up together. They have their own community garden with fruit and veges and a fire pit to gather around.

The idea of building a house is becoming more and more attractive to me and doing it with a group of other people would be fun and a good way to get to know people more and share skills (and stress). We wouldn't have to build very similar houses as they did in the tv show, and we wouldn't have to do so much of the work ourselves but we could.

I also like the idea of living so close to friends, allowing plenty of socialising and support between both adults and kids. I could even enjoy having a small communal plot of land to grow stuff in, after all one lemon tree always gives more lemons than one family can use.

So while community living in the sense of living in the same house as others may not be for me, being part of a community of households may be.

Love - how do you know when you love someone?

Love can be described in many different ways and it's hard to know where to start. I've decided to write about the love I have for close friends and my husband. There are things about those relationships that are different to other relationships that I think mark the difference between love and something less than love.

You know you love someone when...

...they do things or have habits that if someone else did them would really annoy you or make you angry but when someone you love does them any annoyance is small and brief, you might even find it funny and you know that it's part of what makes them them and may be one of the reasons you love them.

...they are the first person you want to tell when something good happens, when you accomplish something, when you see something funny. They are also the person you want to tell when something bad happens. When you're having one of those days they are the only person you want to be around.

...being around them is not an effort. You are comfortable just being in each others company without having to be doing anything or even talking.

...you sacrifice your time, money, energy for them without really thinking about it, you just do it because you know that's what they need and you naturally do whatever you can to help them without having to intentionally decide to be helpful.

...you fall naturally into conversation even when you haven't seen or talked to each other for a while.

...your conversations are different with them than with anyone else. You are comfortable talking about anything, including your deepest and darkest feelings and thoughts, your fears, your hopes, your dreams, your shared memories and in-jokes. This is the person with whom you talk about things you don't share with anyone else. This is the person you only need to tell half the story to and they know you well enough to understand the rest.

...you miss them when they're not around, when you haven't seen or talked to them for a while. Being with or talking to them makes your life feel more complete.

Do you see her face?

Whose phone calls or visits are never unwanted or too long? Do you see her face? Who would you most like to have in your life to ward off moments of loneliness? Do you see her face? When you travel, who would make your travels more enjoyable? Do you see her face? When you're in pain, who would you most like to comfort you? Do you see her face? When something wonderful happens in your life -- a promotion at work, a successful refinancing -- who do you want to share the news with? Do you see her face? Whose face appears to you, my friend? Whose face?

Crazy Cake

Here is the recipe for the cake I've told several people about and promised to give the recipe to that is great for anyone with food allergies. It comes from the big red Alison Holst cook book.

 

Crazy Cake:

1 1/2 cups flour (Any flour you like. I made it with tapioca flour and it turned out great.)

2 Tbsp cocoa

1 tsp cinammon

1 tsp ginger

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

1 cup sugar

1/2 cup corn or soya oil

3/4 cup water

2 Tbsp vinegar

1 tsp vanilla

Sift first six ingredients into a medium-sized bowl.

Add sugar and mix with a fork. Then add corn or soya oil, water, vinegar and vanilla. Do not stir between additions. Stir with a fork until mixed (but do not over mix) then pour mixture into a 23cm tin lined with greaseproof paper and sprayed with non-stick spray, or well greased and floured.

Bake at 200degrees C for 15-20 minutes or until the centre springs back when touched.  (If you use a smaller pan reduce temperature and increase cooking time.)

Note: If desired, split cake before serving and fill with raspberry or blackcurrant jam (or any other jam you like).